The Weight You're Still Carrying

This is something I wrote to myself not too long ago:

"God, I keep saying I've forgiven them. I've said the words. I've moved on. But why does it still sting when their name comes up? Why does my chest still tighten? Is that forgiveness — or did I just bury it and call it healing?"

If you've ever asked yourself something like that, this one's for you.

Easter is approaching, and before we get to the celebration — the resurrection, the victory, the empty tomb — I think we need to sit with something first. Something most of us are carrying but don't talk about.

Unforgiveness.

Let's Be Honest With Each Other

Think about the people in your life who have hurt you. Really think. Maybe it's an old friend who betrayed your trust. A family member who never apologized. An ex who left damage you're still cleaning up years later.

Now ask yourself — have you actually forgiven them?

Not just told yourself you have. Not just stopped bringing it up. Not just blocked them and kept it moving.

Because here's the tell: does it still bother you? Does the thought of them still pull something up in you — anger, embarrassment, grief? That's not judgment. That's just an honest question worth sitting with.

And then there's the harder one: Can you forgive yourself?

I'll go first — I struggle with this. Past mistakes with playing women (to get what I want out of it). Shortcuts I tried to take (always trying to beat the system). Choices I made when I knew better but did it anyway. The enemy is good at pulling those receipts out. Late at night, in quiet moments, when you're trying to move forward — he slides them right back across the table like, "Remember this one?"

But Here's What God's Word Actually Says

"He will again have compassion on us... You will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea." — Micah 7:19

He remembers them no more. Not suppressed. Not buried. Gone.

The God of the universe — who sees everything, who knows everything — made a choice to not hold it against you. And He sealed that choice through His Son. Jesus didn't go to the cross as a suggestion. He went as the ultimate act of forgiveness for people who didn't deserve it. That includes me. That includes you.

So when the enemy tries to bring it back up? He's arguing with God. And that's not a fight he wins.

Forgiveness Isn't Optional

Here's where it gets uncomfortable, though.

"Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger... Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." — Ephesians 4:31-32

The forgiven forgive. That's not a suggestion. That's a requirement.

I know that's hard to read when the wound is real. When what they did was wrong. When they never even said sorry. But unforgiveness isn't protection — it's a prison you're managing on your own. We tell ourselves we're guarding our hearts, but what we're really doing is locking the door on our own blessings and calling it wisdom.

You ever forgiven someone — truly let it go — and felt that weight lift off your shoulders? Like you could finally breathe again? That feeling isn't coincidence. That's what it feels like when your spirit gets free from something it was never designed to carry.

What I'm Still Learning

I'm not writing this from the other side. I'm writing this from the middle of it.

I'm still learning to see myself the way God sees me — not through the lens of my worst moments, but through the lens of what Jesus did on the cross. And when I start to get even a glimpse of that grace? It changes how I see the people who've hurt me too.

It's hard to hold bitterness toward someone else when you're standing in the reality of how much you've been forgiven yourself.

God never promised forgiveness would be easy. But He promised it would free you.

Reflection Before Easter

As we move toward Easter, sit with these:

• Is there someone you say you've forgiven, but still feel something when they come to mind?
• Are you still punishing yourself for something God has already covered?
• What would it feel like to actually lay it down — not bury it, but release it?

You don't have to have it all figured out. Start with honesty. God can work with that.

Walking this out with you,

Erik | Raw Faith